The Importance of Male Vulnerability

The State of Men’s Mental Health

The state of men’s mental health is sobering, quite devastating, honestly. 

1. Men die by suicide at a rate nearly four times higher than women. Men make up 50% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides (CDC, 2022).

2. Less than 40% of men struggling with mental health issues actually seek professional help (National Institute of Mental Health, 2023).

3. Men are more likely to suffer in silence, often turning to substances or self-destructive behaviors rather than seeking support (American Psychological Association, 2021).

Men have been socially conditioned to believe that admitting pain, fear, or sadness makes them “less of a man.” It’s a message baked into childhood phrases like “man up” or “I’ll give you something to cry about”, reinforced in movies where the hero grits his teeth through trauma without shedding a single tear. While recently debating the most significant movies of our childhood, I overheard a friend say, “ET is Spielberg’s best movie, so good it made a bunch of grown men cry.” Comments like these reinforce the outdated idea that men are generally unemotional or that crying is unusual or embarrassing for them. It also implies that it's “especially noteworthy” when men cry. 

This outdated idea of masculinity isn’t just harming men, it’s hurting everyone. Suppressed emotions do not just disappear, they find ways to leak out, often through anger, self-sabotage, and detachment or withdrawal from family. A man’s worth is often reduced to a paycheck, like his humanity is just an afterthought to his productivity. Society hands down this message at an early age: Your value isn’t in who you are, but what you can provide.

The Power of Vulnerability: How does it help?

Vulnerability is the willingness to show up as your true self, even when it’s uncomfortable or scary. It’s the courage to admit when you’re struggling, to ask for help when you need it, and to share your emotions openly and honestly. Vulnerability is not about being weak or passive, it’s about being real. 

When men allow themselves to be vulnerable, they open the door to deeper connections with others. They create space for empathy, understanding, and mutual support. They also give themselves permission to heal. Vulnerability allows men to confront their pain, to process their emotions, and to move forward with greater clarity and resilience.

1. It Strengthens Relationships

If you’ve ever been close to someone who refuses to open up, you know how frustrating it is to feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. Relationships whether romantic, familial, or platonic are built on emotional connection. When men allow themselves to be vulnerable, they build deeper, more meaningful relationships with their partners, friends, and children. For example, a guy tells his wife, “Work has been really stressful, and I feel like I’m drowning.” Instead of withdrawing, he gives her the opportunity to support him. Compare that to the classic “I’m fine” (delivered in the universal tone of not fine at all), which leads to resentment and emotional distance.

2. It Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Research shows that suppressing feelings doesn’t make them disappear, it amplifies stress, fuels anxiety, and can even weaken your immune system over time. Holding in emotions is like ignoring your check engine light, you might pretend like everything’s fine, but underneath, the problem keeps building until something breaks down. Research on 202 participants (117 men and 85 women) indicated that individuals who habitually use suppression as an emotion regulation strategy exhibited heightened cortisol responses to acute stress, especially when experiencing recent stressful life events or relationship stressors (Gianaros & Manuck, 2003).

3. It Teaches the Next Generation a Kinder Way to Be

Little boys learn what it means to be a man by watching the men in their lives. When fathers, uncles, and mentors model healthy emotional expression, they give boys permission to do the same. Instead of passing down the “man up” mentality, they pass down resilience, emotional intelligence, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges in a loving, empathetic way. 

4. It Saves Lives

No exaggeration here. Vulnerability is directly tied to mental health, and mental health is directly tied to survival. When men open up about their struggles, they are more likely to seek help, get the support they need, and prevent crises before they escalate. Every time a man reaches out to a friend, goes to therapy, or simply admits, “Hey, I’m not okay,” he is breaking the cycle. Every time another man sees that and realizes he can do the same, we move toward a world where fewer men suffer alone.

Silence is Learned

Men didn’t just wake up one day and decide to suppress their emotions for fun. As a society, we have conditioned them to believe they have to.

This isn’t just their problem, it’s our problem. If we want healthier men, we have to create a culture that allows them to be whole human beings. If you’ve ever asked a man in your life to be more “emotionally open” and then you call them names when they try, you’re part of the problem! We can support the precious men in our lives by: 

1. Encouraging open conversations about mental health: Make conversations about emotional and physical health a part of everyday life. Check in regularly, not just when things seem off and try to listen more without immediately jumping to solutions.

2. Calling out toxic masculinity when we see it: Firmly call out harmful stereotypes. Encourage boys and men to express their emotions by validating their feelings instead of shaming them.

3. Creating spaces where men feel safe being vulnerable: Ask deeper questions and give them time to respond. Instead of just "How was your day?" try "What was the best and hardest part of your day?" Avoid dismissing or minimizing their struggles (even unintentionally). If they open up, meet them with patience and empathy. Respect their emotional process, some men may need time to articulate their feelings, and that’s okay.

4. Supporting men who choose to be emotionally open: Praise and affirm their vulnerability and humanness. If other people mock or dismiss their emotions, stand up for them, let them know their feelings are valid. Let them know they’re seen and deeply loved and appreciated.

Men’s mental health isn’t just a men’s issue, it’s a societal issue. If we want change, we all have to do better!

Practical Ways to Embrace Vulnerability

1. Start Small: You don’t have to dive headfirst into a heart wrenching therapy session. (Although it would be my honor to work with you) Start with little moments like admitting when you’re having a tough day or sharing a past struggle with a close friend. It’s important for your loved ones to meet you where you’re at. 

2. Find Safe Spaces and Safe People: Surround yourself with people who respect and support emotional openness. Whether it’s a trusted friend or a therapist, having a safe space to be real makes all the difference.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you explore vulnerability and being more open with your loved ones. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable or uncertain at times, go at your own pace. 

4. Reframe What Strength Means: Realize that vulnerability isn’t about weakness, it’s about being courageous enough to give sharing how you feel a try.  

5. Encourage Other Men: If a friend opens up, don’t shut it down with a joke or a quick subject change. Instead, listen, validate, and create an environment where emotional honesty is welcomed.

Moving Forward With Empathy

Vulnerability isn’t a liability, it’s an asset. It makes men stronger, healthier, and more connected. It challenges outdated ideas of masculinity and paves the way for a future where men don’t have to feel alone and isolated. 

To all the men reading: You’re allowed to struggle. You’re allowed to need others. You’re allowed to be soft and flawed. You’re allowed to be human. You deserve better! 

To all the women reading: Do better for the boys and men in your life!

Citations

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Suicide data and statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html

2. National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Men and mental health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health

3. American Psychological Association. (2021). Men and mental health. https://www.apa.org/topics/men-boys/mental-health

4. Gianaros, P. J., & Manuck, S. B. (2003). Neurobiological pathways linking socioeconomic position and health. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65(3), 305–314.